Monday, September 5, 2011

I'm Letting Go

This week's song is from another one of my favorite artists...Francesca Battistelli. The song I've chosen is one that I've considered to be my "theme song" for the last few months.  It's called "I'm Letting Go," and it's from her album "My Paper Heart."

OK, so why is this my theme song?  As a stay-at-home Mom who recently left home to live in England for 2 years, I feel like I'm living the words in this song.  As I look back, I've "felt like I'm falling" on many occasions. One time that I can remember is when I made the decision to stay home after working 9 successful years as an Engineer.  I was so proud of myself, being a strong female engineer, making lots of money...but there was something that just wasn't quite right for me.  And it took several signs from God, including my pregancy with my 3rd baby to make me change my course.  I "let go" of my dreams of being a leader in the company that I worked for, I "let go"of my identity that my career had provided for me.  I had to start over, and build my new identity. 

Those were really tough times for me mentally.  The hard part of "letting go" is not knowing what God's plan is.  I believed there is a plan, but I wanted to figure out what it was.  I loved being a mom, but losing the career portion of my identity did leave a hole that needed to be filled.  I needed to discover a new dream.  So I had several dreams come and go as I tried to figure out God's plan.  Lots of brilliant ideas that would fade with time.  But over the last couple of years, I've found myself building my identity in the Church, even considering a new dream of being a youth leader.  This was a wonderful plan that I was formulating...I had the passion and love for Christ, I just needed experience and education to be able to succeed in a new mission.  I almost had it all figured out, when I found out that my husband had been offered a temporary assignment in England. I was "letting go of my dreams" once again.

I'm letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
I'm losing control
Of my destiny
It feels like I'm falling but that's what it's like to believe.

I do feel like I'm falling sometimes.  I keep telling myself that there must be a purpose for this change of course.  I believe that God has a plan, and I need to watch it unfold.  Pray that I will be patient and allow him to guide me along the way.

Today in church, we said goodbye to some missionaries in our church who had returned home for 2 months and are now going back to their mission in Tajikistan.  This family of 4 is very similar to ours, similar age parents, slightly younger children, and they are doing Christian Mission work in a country that is 98 percent Muslim.  Before we prayed for them, the Pastor interviewed them in front of the congregation and they shared their feelings, hopes, and needs for prayer about their journey and mission work.  I couldn't help but identify with the Wife and how she felt leaving her home and church again.  But I was also truly humbled by the sacrifice that she and her family were making...the "giant leap of faith" that is so much greater than that of my family. What a wonderful gift to the world this family is.  They are a shining example of faith in God's plan, service, and discipleship.

Well, as I "give in to God's gravity", I hope you will be able to do the same when the time comes.  These times come for us all at some point.  May you find peace in knowing that God is holding you in the palm of his hand no matter where life takes you.

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